Many parents have experienced the heartbreak of their autistic child coming home from school upset because they’ve been left off a classmate’s birthday party invitation list. Or no one wanted to play with them at break. Or they were called mean names. School playgrounds and classrooms can be confusing and sometimes scary places to be, especially for an autistic child. Bullying can be subtle, especially when figuring out the social behaviour of others can feel like you’ve crash-landed on Mars and you don’t understand Martian!

As a parent, this kind of behaviour towards our child can be confronting and confusing. We know what to do if our child scrapes their knee in the playground or is running a fever, but we don’t necessarily know what to say and do if they are picked on simply because they’re ‘different’.

And if we don’t know, our children certainly won’t.

One American study interviewing 400 parents of autistic children, found that nine in ten of those children had been bullied - physically, emotionally or through cyber bullying. So, it’s crucial for parents to explain to children what is happening to them and to give them strategies on how to cope with it.

Even more importantly, we need to make sure children don’t start to believe these negative messages.

Key messages for children to hear are:

Be yourself – you are a unique and amazing human being! Don’t let the mean words in.

Speak up– tell a trusted adult what is happening to you - they can help.

Be kind – don’t repeat ugly words or imitate mean behaviour. 

Be caring – we can help stamp out bullying if kids look out for one another. If someone looks lonely, ask them if they want to sit with you at lunch, or join in a game with you and your friends.

Be positive – remember if someone doesn’t want to be your friend, it’s not because of you. Try again with someone else.

We need to prepare our children for the fact that these strategies don’t always work straight away, but over time they probably will. If you think your child is old enough and mature enough, have a conversation about how people sometimes do not treat other people well, simply because they’re different. Reassure your child that they are strong enough to cope and you’ve got their back.

As a parent, you should seek out help too. Talk to your child’s teacher, or a medical professional if your child seems withdrawn or socially isolated. Sometimes it might seem all too hard, but simply by being there, your child helps others in your community appreciate their unique skills and talents.