Quality self-care can make the difference between a good day and a truly bad one, when parenting a child with a disability.

If your child’s disability is an obvious one offers of support may be plentiful.

However, if you’re the parent of a child with Foetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder, who looks like they don’t have a disability, external support may not be so forthcoming.

Which is why it’s even more important for you to prioritise taking care of yourself. Children with FASD are often high energy, they sometimes don’t learn from their mistakes, and can have impaired judgement, they often also have sensory issues.

In short, these wonderful kids can need a lot of attention and use up a lot of your energy.

To make sure you have the energy reserves and patience to be their life coach, their supervisor, their advocate as well as their parent here are a few things to keep in mind:

• Ask for the support that you need. It can be difficult asking for help, but remember, you’re doing what it takes to look after your family, and you can’t do it alone.
• Join a FASD support group. Talking to other parents who share experiences similar to your own is invaluable. If their child is older than yours, they may be able to share golden nuggets of advice on how to get through it with your sanity intact!
• Learn to say NO. Don’t overburden yourself more than you already are. Recognise your limits and that of your family. Put yourself and them first.
• Nurture your relationship with your partner if you have one. Make time for each other, work to each other’s strengths and actively co-parent. Remember friends can also be great partners - platonic co-parenting is precious!
• Prioritise self-care. Connect with friends. Seize any opportunity to enjoy yourself - and don’t feel guilty! Build in time to de-stress daily whether it be reading in bed or lying in a hot bath. Have something to look forward to, whether it’s going to see your favourite band or ten days in Fiji. Take up an activity that brings you joy, be it banjo lessons, mountain-biking or book club.
• Look after your physical health – exercise, sleep, eat well (we know that is easier said than done!
• Don’t compare yourself to other parents or families. It’s okay to feel grief over what might have been but talk it out with friends and then move on. If you are finding this difficult, talk to your GP about accessing some counselling.
• Create your own social safety net. Be open and honest about your child’s diagnosis and surround yourself with friends and family and members of your community who are empathetic and understanding.

There are no easy solutions to self-care when it comes to parenting a child with FASD. But shifting the lens so that we don’t see ourselves as bad parents, and knowing our children are not bad children, is crucial.

Celebrate every success, ignore the failures and keep positive for the future. We are with you!