How can I help my PDA child thrive at school?

Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) is widely understood to be a profile on the autism spectrum that perceives demands as personal attacks.

It is no wonder then, that many PDA children avoid going to school as there are few places more likely to be full of demands than a school!

Adding to the challenge, in addition to demand avoidance, key characteristics of PDA are:

• Non-recognition of hierarchies and people in authority.
• Extreme anxiety.
• A need to be in control of people, environments, and situations.
• A drive to be autonomous, that is, following their own desires, activities etc rather than being directed by anyone else.
• Sensory issues that may lead to meltdowns.
• Difficulties understanding emotions, relationships, and friendships.
• An ability to mask their anxiety, which may appear as arrogance or lack of caring.

As the parent of a PDA child, you will need to be in close contact with your child’s teacher/s and other school staff.  If you have not had a diagnosis for your child, take a needs-based approach when collaborating with your child’s education providers.

Your child is unique, but if your child’s school does not appear to have a high degree of PDA awareness, considering printing out a PDA fact sheet so they can improve their knowledge.

It can also be useful to share strategies that have worked at home and may work equally well at school.

These may include:

• Taking a flexible approach.
• Choosing your battles – prioritising those tasks/demands that are important for the child to comply with and those that are not.
• Giving the child choices of tasks and ways to do them.
• Helping the child manage their anxiety.
• Being aware that they may struggle with changes to their routine and giving them as much advance warning as possible.
• Prioritising developing a good relationship with the child. Finding out what are their interests and link them to their learning.
• Using indirect language when making requests – ‘I wonder if now might be a good time to . . .?’, ‘Who might enjoy doing this activity?’
• Not rushing a PDA child or putting them on the spot. Giving them time and space.
• Recognising their triggers that increase their anxiety.
• Identifying a safe place and/or person they can go when they are feeling anxious.
• Identifying particular activities which they may struggle with – assemblies, PE, lunchtimes.
• Finding out their preferred ways to learn.
• Making their learning fun. Encouraging them to be creative and imaginative.
• Not punishing a PDA child for anxiety-driven challenging behaviour.
• Not directly praising a PDA child, as this is perceived as a loss of autonomy.  Speak to a third person in the child’s hearing.

A PDA child is as keen to learn new and interesting things as any other child – despite appearances. It just may take a bit of extra work to get them there.  

It is crucial that children get the support they need as early as possible, so that they can grow into self-sufficient confident adults.

If you would like to know more about PDA, the following articles by Awhi Nga Matua and IHC Library may be of interest to you: Is my child just extremely stubborn of do they have PDA?; Help! Life at home with my PDA child is a battlefield – What can I do?; How can I talk to my child about their PDA?
Or contact the IHC library direct to have a chat about what you need on 0800 442 442. Alternatively, email: Librarian@ihc.org.nz.

Kids’ Books from the IHC Library

Books for Adults from the IHC Library
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Articles from the IHC Library (Available on request or can be viewed online)

Videos available on Youtube
·        Understanding Pathological Demand Avoidance with Harry J. Thompson – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TFpH55kxtxY
·        PDA – An Insider’s Perspective - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_abB44rPqEM
·        Laura Kerbey and Harry Thompson talk about PDA -https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eeyg5Art6Ww
·        Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) 101 - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ZpQJGgjqsY

Helpful websites:
·        Pathological Demand Avoidance Australia and New Zealand PDAANZ www.pdaanz.com
·        The Education Hub – Understanding Pathological Demand Avoidance www.theeducationhub.org.nz/understanding-pathological-demand-avoidance/
·        PDA Society www.pdasociety.org.uk

Meryl Richards

I’m Meryl Richards. What a pleasure it’s been to join the Awhi team. I get to spend my days researching information that supports me as a parent, and sometimes challenges me to rethink what I thought I knew. My hope is that it will be useful to you too. I live in Kapiti with my partner and two teenage boys, and spend as much time as possible in the surrounding bush and at the beach.