Watching your child disappear through the school gates can be nerve-wracking for parents at the best of times – harder still, if your child has a disability, is neurodivergent, or is medically fragile. Ironically, it could be the same school you’ve fought tooth and nail to get them into, but now you’re visualising all the things that could go wrong, with bullying at the top of the list.

All children can be bullied, but most at risk are the ones who other kids see as different in some way. Complicating matters, bullying often happens when there are no adult witnesses, and other children are too scared or too confused to intervene.

But don’t panic, there are many strategies and safeguards that parents can put in place, to make sure your child is supported and able to speak up about bullying. **[The IHC Library](https://ihc.org.nz/library-page) and [Awhi Ngā Mātua](https://awhingamatua.org.nz/) are here to help. **We have heaps of resources at our fingertips that we can direct you towards. We have online resources including eBooks, books with advice for adults, picture books for parents to read with their children, to help kick off discussions around bullying, and links to other helpful websites and organisations.

As parents of children with disabilities or who are medically fragile, we must keep a watchful eye out for tell-tale signs of bullying, as our children may lack the verbal skills to tell us what’s going on. Sometimes children are not even aware that they _are _being bullied, or they might think they deserve it. These are dangerous messages for children to internalise, so the sooner a bullying situation is detected and dealt with - the better!

### **Signs to look out for:**

- Your child’s personality has changed in some way, they may be moodier/more easily upset/aggressive/less confident/or withdrawn.
- They are reluctant to go to school and may invent excuses to stay home.
- They no longer do so well at school and/or teachers show concern
- They have stomach aches, headaches, nightmares and difficulty sleeping.
- They come home with missing or damaged belongings, or with physical injuries.

### **What to do and say**:

As a parent it’s hard not to feel angry on your child’s behalf, especially if it triggers memories of bullying from your own childhood. But you owe it to your child to **be calm and clear-headed.**

**Criticize the bullying behaviour but don’t label another child as a bully**.

You need your child to know that you will help them get through it. **No-one deserves to be bullied and it is NEVER their fault**. If someone is unkind to them**, it is okay to feel angry or sad**, but it **is not okay to be unkind back**.

Children are sometimes reluctant, embarrassed or have difficulty talking about what is happening to them. One approach is to ask your child about the good things that happened in their day, following it up with a question about any bad things that might have happened.

Alternatively, **we suggest reading one of [IHC Library](https://ihc.org.nz/library-page)’s child-friendly books on bullying together**. Use the text and the illustrations to start a conversation about how the child in the story might feel about being bullied. Then you can ask if they’ve ever felt that way too. **Let your child know this is a problem you can solve together,** if you both put your thinking hats on!

**Role-playing** at home, with you as the bully, is a handy way to show children what they can say or do the next time someone bullies them. Or ask your child’s teacher if they can hold a role-playing activity on bullying, to get the whole class involved.

Other children at your child’s school may be aware of what’s going on but simply don’t know how to help, or are afraid to. We need to make it easy for children to stand up for others. Give them** guidance on how to show empathy, stand up for others, especially if they are different or more vulnerable**.

Before you get on the phone to your child’s teacher, get your child’s ‘buy-in’. They may not be ready to get the school’s involvement, so take your cue from them before taking it to the next level.

**Having friends is an effective barrier to bullying**; just having one friend can lessen the odds of being bullied. If your child has difficulty making friends, your child’s teacher may ask a classmate to consider being their buddy. **Joining a club outside of school** is also a great way to make new friends and build up self-esteem.

Bullying can be a complex issue, and these are just a few of the strategies we at **IHC Library** suggest giving a go. This is one of a series of blogs on bullying, you may also be interested in our blog on _bullying and autism_ or _[cyberbullying](https://panui.awhingamatua.org.nz/how-do-i-keep-my-disabled-child-safe-online). _Or if you prefer, we can put together a personalised information package on the topics of your choice. Just give us a call on 0800 442 442 or email _[librarian@ihc.org.nz](mailto:librarian@ihc.org.nz)_.

**Kids’ books from the [IHC Library:](https://ihc.org.nz/library-page)**

-   **_Ouch moments – When words are used in hurtful ways_** _-_ **by** **Michael Genhard, illustrated by Viviana Garofol**
-   **_Teasing isn’t funny – What to do about emotional bullying – _by** **Melissa Higgins, illustrated by Simone Shin**
-   **_Emily’s being bullied – What can she do –_ by Helen Cowie, Harriet Tenenbaum, Ffion Jones, illustrated by Ffion Jones**
-   **_The Bully Blockers – Standing up for classmates with Autism _– by Celeste Shally, illustrated by David Harrington**
-   **_Bobby and Mandee’s Too Smart for Bullies -_ by Robert Kahn, Sharon Chandler, illustrated by Sue Lynn Cotton**
-   **_Be Bully-Free: A hands-on guide to how you can take control (teens) – _by Michael Panckridge (also available as an Ebook)**

**Books for Adults from the IHC Library:**

-   **_Stop bullying by taking charge of safety_ – Irene Van der Zande**
-   **_Easing the Teasing_ – Judy Freedman**
-   **[Awhi Nga Matua Facebook video ](https://www.facebook.com/awhiathome/videos/information-about-bullying/601378807217874/)with Phil Clarke on bullying**

**Helpful websites**

-   [Bullying Free NZ](http://www.bullyingfree.nz)
-   [Skylight](http://www.skylight.org.nz)
-   [He Whakaaro - Education Counts.](http://www.educationcounts.govt.nz/publications/schooling/he-whakaaro-what-do-we-know-about-bullying-behaviours-in-new-zealand)
-   [The educational experiences of disabled learners](http://www.educationcounts.govt.nz/publications/schooling/he-whakaaro-the-educational-experiences-of-disabled-learners)


A child with long dark hair stares at the camera

Help! My child is being bullied and I don’t know what to do!

bullying and disability, help with bullying disabled child, how to help my bullied autistic child, bullying ADHD, bullying disability, bullying down syndrome

Many parents have experienced the heartbreak of their autistic child coming home from school upset because they’ve been left off a classmate’s birthday party invitation list. Or no one wanted to play with them at break. Or they were called mean names. School playgrounds and classrooms can be confusing and sometimes scary places to be, especially for an autistic child. Bullying can be subtle, especially when figuring out the social behaviour of others can feel like you’ve crash-landed on Mars and you don’t understand Martian!

As a parent, this kind of behaviour towards our child can be confronting and confusing. We know what to do if our child scrapes their knee in the playground or is running a fever, but we don’t necessarily know what to say and do if they are picked on simply because they’re ‘different’.

And if_ we_ don’t know, our children certainly won’t.

[One American study](http://www.disabilityscoop.com /2009/11/13/bullying) interviewing 400 parents of autistic children, found that nine in ten of those children had been bullied - physically, emotionally or through cyber bullying. So, it’s crucial for parents to explain to children what is happening to them and to give them strategies on how to cope with it.

Even more importantly, we need to make sure children don’t start to believe these negative messages.

### Key messages for children to hear are:

**Be yourself** – you are a unique and amazing human being! Don’t let the mean words in.

**Speak up**– tell a trusted adult what is happening to you - they can help.

**Be kind** – don’t repeat ugly words or imitate mean behaviour.

**Be caring** – we can help stamp out bullying if kids look out for one another. If someone looks lonely, ask them if they want to sit with you at lunch, or join in a game with you and your friends.

**Be positive** – remember if someone doesn’t want to be your friend, it’s not because of you. Try again with someone else.

We need to prepare our children for the fact that these strategies don’t always work straight away, but over time they probably will. If you think your child is old enough and mature enough, have a conversation about how people sometimes do not treat other people well, simply because they’re different. Reassure your child that they are strong enough to cope and you’ve got their back.

As a parent, you should seek out help too. Talk to your child’s teacher, or a medical professional if your child seems withdrawn or socially isolated. Sometimes it might seem all too hard, but simply by being there, your child helps others in your community appreciate their unique skills and talents.



A child looks at the camera they have painted hands

Autistic children are more likely to be bullied - Here’s what to do about it

Autism and bullying, autistic child is being bullied, education and autism

An inclusive education is when all children, no matter their education needs, can learn and thrive and be a valued member of their local school.

It is a human rights issue and is supported by international and national law including:
- UN Convention on the Rights of the Child 1989
- UN Convention on the Rights of Persons with Disabilities 2007
- NZ Education and Training Act 2020
- NZ Disability Strategy 2016

Despite being a signatory to the above, as well as enshrining the right to an inclusive education in education policy and in law – New Zealand struggles to deliver a truly inclusive education sector for all learners.

Recent government initiatives, such as the Ministry of Education website _[Te Kete Iparangi](http://www.tki.org.nz)_, provides support and guidance on building inclusive school culture as well as embedding it in school infrastructure and practice. 
While IHC supports such initiatives, it is concerned that disabled children and their families still come up against barriers when they attend their local schools. IHC has actively been seeking to redress this inequity through their Education Complaint with the Human Rights Tribunal. [Find out more here](https://www.ihc.org.nz/get-involved/advocacy/ihcs-education-complaint).
 
## What are some of the benefits of an inclusive education?

- Inclusive schools build communities that respect and value diversity.
- Disabled children who attend mainstream schools have better outcomes later in life – they achieve more academically, build relationship skills and have better employment prospects.
- Non-disabled children, in the same school environment, develop skills in relating to and accommodating people different to themselves and to develop ideas of equity and social justice.
- Schools build a flexible and responsive school culture and infrastructure – able to meet the needs of diverse learners.
- Families of disabled children feel that they are welcome and respected members of their community.
- Negative stereotypes about disability and difference can be eliminated through education and experience.

## What are some of the difficulties schools may experience implementing inclusive education?

- There is no definitive model or checklist for what an inclusive school looks like. It will vary from school to school and may change over time. Schools need to be flexible and adaptable.
- To do it well, schools need to be fully supported - financially, legislatively and through education policy. 
- It takes time and commitment to be a truly inclusive school. There may be a mismatch between a student’s support needs, and the ability for a school to build its capacity fast enough.

## Key features of inclusive schools

- A willingness to not only accept all children regardless of their need for learning support, but also to commit to making that support available.
- The school infrastructure – buildings, playgrounds, amenities – are fully accessible. This includes things like fences or lifts for students that need them.
- Activities and outings are planned so that all students can take part. It is not left up to parents to organize their child’s participation at school picnics, swimming sports etc.
- Teachers, school staff, pupils respect and value diversity.
- Children can be at school for the entire school day and are not sent home subject to teacher aides being able to be present.
- Children are not forced to learn apart from their classmates but are valued members of the classroom.

### So why do we have Specialist Schools?

Specialist schools exist because the availability of fully supported mainstream schools able to meet the needs of all learners across the length and breadth of New Zealand is not yet a reality.

We encourage parents to team up with their local school to get them to recognise their child’s right to an education in their local community and honouring a commitment to inclusive education. But if that simply does not seem possible or will take too long to achieve, then enrolling your child in a specialist school, may be best for you.

**Parent choice in deciding where your child will thrive and learn the most, is ultimately the deciding factor.** But also seek your child’s point of view as early as possible – they may surprise you by having a different perspective than your own.

[For more on specialist schools, visit the Ministry of Education site.](http://www.education.govt.nz/school/student-support/special-education/)

If you would like to know more about Inclusive Education, the following articles by Awhi Nga Matua and IHC Library may be of interest to you: _How can I tell if my disabled child is getting the inclusive education they deserve?;  Help! My local school does not want to enrol my disabled child – what can I do?_
Or contact the IHC library direct to have a chat about what you need on 0800 442 442. Alternatively, email: [Librarian@ihc.org.nz](mailto:Librarian@ihc.org.nz).



Inclusive Education - What is it?

What is inclusive education? Inclusive education in New Zealand. Right to an education.

Too many families in Aotearoa find local schools unwilling to enrol their disabled child – frequently schools say they have inadequate resources.

All students are legally entitled to free full-time education at public schools. Any denial of this is discrimination and goes against New Zealand’s binding and legal obligations to include all learners in mainstream schools.

This includes disabled learners - Section 34 of the Education and Training Act (2020) specifically states - **“Students who have special educational needs (whether because of disability or otherwise) have the same rights to enrol and receive education at state schools as those people who do not.”**

But while you may have the backing of law behind you, the delivery of **inclusive education in NZ, decades after it was first introduced, remains fragmented, inconsistent, and under-funded**. 

Previous Minister of Education Jan Tinetti recently likened inclusive education to a leaky roof: “There is never really an endpoint …we put a bucket under the area where it’s leaking, but then another leak springs and we put a bucket under there ...but what we really need to do is take a look at the roof . . .let’s ask ourselves what it is that we can do to affect the system as a whole”. 

That said, the [Ministry of Education’s (MoE) main website](https://www.education.govt.nz/school/student-support/inclusive-education/) clearly outlines what is expected of schools in terms of providing inclusive education. 

This includes:
- What is meant by inclusive education in the New Zealand environment.
- The legal and binding obligations to include all learners.
- How the Education Review Office (ERO) evaluates how well schools include students with high needs.
- The roles of boards and governance in building inclusive schools.

 There are some resources which may help to support inclusive practices in schools. These include the dedicated Inclusive Education website _[Te Kete Iparangi](http://www.tki.org.nz)_ and the[ Inclusive Practice self-review toolkit](http://www.wellbeingatschool.org.nz/inclusive-toolkit). There are also guides available for Individual Education plans.

Some of these resources, such as _Te Kete Iparangi’s_ online learning modules, are designed to help schools create more inclusive learning environments. They are relatively new, and reflect the on-going push to ‘do better’ where inclusive education is concerned.

The _IHC Inclusive Education Survey 2022_ of over 600 families and educational professionals showed the education sector is still falling short of expectations in delivering education to disabled students. 
**The main findings included:**
- Almost all respondents said that funding for disabled students does not deliver what they need to access education.
- Respondents lacked confidence that the latest MoE _Highest Needs Review_ would have a significant impact in resolving problems.
- Families felt that teacher capacity to teach diverse learners had reduced over the last three years.
- More than a third of the families said that their children were regularly sent home for part of the school day and were also unable to join in on non-school activities. 
- 86% of the professionals reported increased difficulties with the Ongoing Resourcing Scheme (ORS) and accessing the specialist support disabled students needed to participate and achieve. 

**Two positive trends were also identified:**
- There had been a decline in the number of schools declining enrolments.
- Less disabled students were being stood down or suspended when compared to the two previous IHC Inclusive Education surveys in 2019 and 2014.

Trish Grant at the [Inclusive Education Action Group](http://www.ieag.org.nz) has the following advice for parents who are told their local school has insufficient resources to support their disabled child.

**“Your best option is to partner up with your school and jointly make sure the Ministry of Education lives up to its obligations and provides the necessary support.”**

And if you still feel the school is not doing enough, she advises contacting an advocacy group to enlist their help – for example the NZ Down Association, Autism NZ, Youth Law.

All children should feel welcome and included at their local school – with access to the support they need to be an engaged and enthusiastic learner.  It is unacceptable that for some children this isn’t the case and [IHC NZ has taken legal action with the Human Rights Review Tribunal.](https://www.ihc.org.nz/get-involved/advocacy/ihcs-education-complaint) 

It may be hard getting the education for your child that the New Zealand government has promised to deliver, but by remaining consistent in ensuring that your child’s right to education is fulfilled, you will be part of creating the inclusive education environment all children deserve.

**Disabled children, like all other children, want the chance to live ordinary lives, and access to mainstream education is key to that desire and their legal and human right.**

If you would like to know more about Inclusive Education, the following articles by Awhi Nga Matua and IHC Library may be of interest to you.


Help! My local school does not want to enrol my disabled child - What can I do? 

Help for my disabled child at school, expelled from school autism, stood down from school ADHD, autism and school 

An inclusive education goes beyond simply getting disabled and neurodivergent children through the school gates and into a mainstream classroom. A disabled child’s presence in the classroom alone does not mean ‘job done’.

All children vary in their educational needs, and New Zealand schools vary too, in how well they provide learning support to individual learners. The schools that do best are those that foster an inclusive school culture and prioritise supporting all children’s learning within the same cohort. 

Disabled and neurodivergent children are not taught in separate classrooms or separate spaces and do not do colouring-in while the rest of the class learns.

Even within schools the quality of support can vary from teacher to teacher, which is why a commitment to inclusive education must be apparent in all aspects of the school infrastructure and service delivery.

As a parent, if your child’s school is ‘not quite there yet’ in terms of providing the level of support your child needs, it may be up to you to hold the school and the Ministry of Education to account. 

Visit the school regularly and foster a team approach to ensure your child engages and thrives in that environment.

The Ministry of Education [has recently launched a new website dedicated to helping schools become more inclusive](http://www.tki.org.nz).

Online learning modules are available here, designed to help schools develop a culture of inclusion, unpack biases, and remove barriers to belonging.
Also available are specific guides to help teachers to meet the needs of diverse learners, including those with FASD, Autism, Down Syndrome, Dyspraxia, Dyslexia and more. 

**As a parent, if you are not entirely sure what an inclusive classroom should look like, here are some of the key features to look out for:**

- Teachers actively support disabled students where diversity is positively acknowledged and responded to. This includes accepting behaviour that does not hurt themselves or anyone else but can be seen as ‘challenging’ such as stimming, making sudden noises, flapping hands or clapping.
- Lesson plans are adapted for students with learning needs – they may require less writing and writing. Visual aids and assistive technology are used. Tasks are broken down into manageable chunks.
- The same curriculum is provided to all the students but is differentiated according to students’ different learning styles, in the way it is presented and assessed. 
- Teamwork is evident between the teacher, teacher aides and any other relevant school staff to maximise your child’s learning.
- Your knowledge of your child’s strengths, weaknesses and interests are incorporated meaningfully into their IEP (Individual Education Plan) if they have one.
- A commitment to Professional Development encourages teachers to gain additional skills and expertise that support children with diverse needs. 
- Assistive technology – audiobooks, alternative keyboards, talking calculators, speech recognition programmes - are available and used when needed. 
- Cooperative learning through peer tutoring and buddy reading and writing is evident.
- Social relationships that are caring and supportive, are fostered throughout the classroom cohort, and between teacher and pupils. 
- Students with additional needs are not just assigned to a teacher aide and segregated from their classmates, but rather are an active member of the classroom with plenty of opportunities to interact with their teacher and their classmates. 

**Things that might indicate a problem**:
- Your child is being excluded in the playground and left out of school activities such as sports days or trips to the zoo.
- Your child’s teacher aide is the main person they interact with at school.
- Your child has limited social interactions outside of schooltime.
- Your child’s teacher, teacher aide or other school staff express low expectations for your child’s achievements and learning engagement. 
- Your child does not appear to be thriving – academically or socially.

**Talk to your school about these issues and how to resolve them**. And in the meantime, your child might appreciate knowing some of the following tips:
- If things are tough, talk about it with an adult they trust.
- Everyone learns differently – it’s no big deal and doesn’t mean they can’t learn.
- Join in in school activities like the school play – ask their teacher how they can participate.
- Become an expert on something other kids their age are interested in – it’s a great way to make friends.
- Become a helper so they’re not the one always feeling like they need help. Perhaps they can help younger children get familiar with school routines.
- Practise ways of staying calm when frustrated.
- To do their best, even if they’re not getting all the support they need.

It’s not ideal, but if progress with your local school seems to be going too slow you might want to see if there are other schools in your area that have a more committed inclusive school culture.

You can also get involved with [IHC’s Education complaint which aims to bring about the systemic change necessary to allow the NZ Education system to become truly inclusive.](https://www.ihc.org.nz/get-involved/advocacy/ihcs-education-complaint) 

If you would like to know more about Inclusive Education, the following articles by Awhi Nga Matua and IHC Library may be of interest to you.


A woman leans over and helps a child with their writing

How can I tell if my disabled child is getting the inclusive education they deserve?

Inclusive education New Zealand, helping disabled children at school, autism and NZ schools, helping ADHD children at school

Inclusive Education in New Zealand, Disabled Learners' Experiences, Education System in New Zealand, Special Education Services, Student Outcomes and Achievements, Support for Disabled Students, Educational Inclusion, New Zealand Ministry of Education, Educational Research, Educational Equality, Disabled Children in Schools, Academic Achievement of Disabled Learners

He Whakaaro :  - The educational experiences of disabled learners - Mercy Mhuru

The educational experiences of disabled learners

New Zealand is committed to providing an inclusive education system, ensuring that disabled students are supported to achieve their potential, and can participate fully in society. To what extent have we achieved this? This research uses Statistics NZ’s Integrated Data Infrastructure (IDI) to combine the 2013 Disability Survey with data collected from early learning and schools. We use these data to provide one of the first systematic descriptions of the experiences and outcomes of disabled learners in the New Zealand education system.

He Whakaaro : The educational experiences of disabled learners

Summary

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