Signs your child might have been sexually abused

Every child should be able to grow up free of abuse of any kind, and feel protected, loved and cared for by the people around them. Some of the most vulnerable are children who may lack the cognitive or verbal skills to raise the alarm or even recognise that they are being harmed. American studies show children with disabilities are two to three times more likely to be abused than children without disabilities.

Because this risk is high for disabled and neurodiverse children it is important know and look out for any signs that they may have been abused: -

Behavioural signs of sexual abuse

• Your child is fearful of certain people, places, or activities.
• Eating and sleeping problems (beyond pediatric feeding disorders or Avoidant restrictive food intake disorder).
• Extreme mood swings, withdrawal, excessive crying.
• Aggressive or rebellious behaviour.
• Acting out inappropriate sexual behaviours.
• Fearful and/or wary of physical contact.
• Increased or decreased interest in bathing.
• Toileting accidents (In children younger than age three, it's normal to not have full bladder control - but if it is a major regression or highly unusual for your child it could be a sign).
• Change in appearance, for example, attempts to appear unattractive.
• Decrease in school performance.
• Apathetic behaviour, a loss of interest in activities they previously enjoyed.

Preventing sexual abuse

Be proactive – during your daily activities, bath time, shopping for new clothes etc, reinforce the ideas of privacy and safety.

Be aware of new friends – it is important to know who your child is spending time with. It is okay to be a nosey parent.

If your child is** demonstrating new behaviours,** such as nightmares or stomach aches, once you have ruled out other possibilities, such as a medical condition, probe until you fully understand what is causing them.

**Take time to listen **to your child talk about their experiences when you are not with them.

Be aware of who interacts with your child at school and in any other context out of your care.

What to do if you suspect abuse

• Don’t panic.
• Reassure your child they are not to blame, that you believe them, and that you will make sure the abuse stops.
• Contact the Police as soon as possible.
• If you are not safe at home, leave immediately to a trusted family or friend’s home or failing that, your nearest Women’s Refuge centre.
• Don’t keep it a secret – share your concern with adults you trust.
• Prioritise protecting your child and getting them the help they need above all other considerations.
• Keep your child and yourself safe – do not approach the suspected abuser directly. Do everything you can to avoid contact with that person and let the police help you and your child stay safe.

Helpful Websites:

• Women’s Refuge.
• Handling Disclosures of Child Abuse.
• What is Harmful Sexual Behaviour?
• Support for child victims of sexual crimes - Oranga Tamariki

Meryl Richards

I’m Meryl Richards. What a pleasure it’s been to join the Awhi team. I get to spend my days researching information that supports me as a parent, and sometimes challenges me to rethink what I thought I knew. My hope is that it will be useful to you too. I live in Kapiti with my partner and two teenage boys, and spend as much time as possible in the surrounding bush and at the beach.