Just as children need to learn safety skills for crossing the road, they also need to learn basic rules around body boundaries and consent. 

For disabled children and children who are neurodivergent, this is especially important as they are more at risk than their peers. A lack of knowledge and understanding about what is acceptable behaviour when receiving or giving physical affection when children are young can be dangerous.

Daily reinforcement of basic safety, done in a way that is fun, useful, and appropriate to their ability to understand is the best way to teach your child. You can also model good touching and respect for body boundaries which will help them manage the tricky does and don’ts of physical interactions.

An easy example is reminding children not to hug someone without their permission or to close the door when they go to the toilet. 

Top Tips

Private parts are private

Any part of your body that is covered by your togs or undies, is for you to see only. If anyone asks to see your private parts - your penis, bottom, breasts or vulva, or wants to show you theirs - say ‘No’ loudly. Then go away quickly and find a grown-up you trust to tell them about it.

You get to decide what happens with your body

If you don’t want to hug someone or give them a kiss, even if it’s grandma or your best friend at school, you don’t have to. And they should always ask your permission first.

Other people’s bodies are theirs too

Just as you get to say what happens with your body, your friends and your family do as well. If you want to hold someone’s hand or tickle them, remember to ask first.

Some things are only okay when we’re alone

It’s fine to touch your penis, bottom, breasts or vulva but it’s a private thing.

Find an adult if you’re ever confused or worried about the way someone touches you or talks to you.

If the first grown-up you tell is too busy to listen, find another grown-up who can listen to you. Keep going until someone does listen.

There are no secrets.

Don’t listen if someone tells you something is a secret – it just means they don’t want to get into trouble. Always tell a parent or an adult you trust.

Understanding these simple rules, will empower your child to make good choices, boost their self-esteem and most importantly, help keep them safe.

Top tips for parents:

Don’t let feelings of embarrassment stop you from talking about good and bad touching. By staying calm, open and supportive, your children will know they can talk to you about anything.

Make sure your children know the proper words for their genitals as soon as possible. It makes communication easier on a topic that sometimes can be tricky to talk about.

Make sure anyone who interacts with your child knows they should ask for permission first before initiating physical interaction.

The more that everyone in your child’s community – at home and at school – agree on rules around consent and boundaries, the safer your child will be.

Encourage your child to keep using these skills every day and check in with them to see how things are going.

Never respond to a child’s disclosure of inappropriate touching with anger or obvious upset, this will discourage them from sharing information with you in the future.

Keep the focus on staying safe, rather than on the bad things that can happen.

Let your child know that even if you are tired, busy or grumpy you will always listen to them.

Reinforce the number one rule of saying ‘No’ to any touch they don’t like and telling an adult they trust about it.

To find out more about this important topic, contact the IHC Library on 0800 442 442 or email librarian@ihc.org.nz.

‍IHC Library has heaps of kids’ books, which are an invaluable tool to read through with your children to start up some of those crucial conversations.