How do I “toilet train” my child?

Using a toilet is a skill almost all children can acquire. But some disabled and neurodivergent children may need more support and practice to get there. They may never get there, but if you’re on this journey - these tips might help/

The three key stages are the same as they are for all children – Preparation, Practice, and Persistence.

Preparation - First Steps

Feelings - Before beginning, parents should check in on their own feelings and motivation. For a successful outcome, it is important that parents do not feel anxious or pressured by friends and relatives. If you _do _feel this way, your child will know it and will likely push back, becoming uncooperative and stressed themselves. Keep positive and support your child even when it gets really hard. Celebrate each achievement, no matter how small. The toileting journey should be fun and stress-free.

Support – Getting your child toilet-trained is not a one-person job, you are going to need the support of your partner, other family members and any people involved in their care. If your child is already at school, contact their teacher and teacher aide if they have one and any other relevant teaching staff. You do not want your child to receive confusing or inconsistent messages about how and when to go to the toilet, so make sure everyone in your toilet team is on the same page before you begin.

**Timing **- Figure out the best time to start toilet training. For best results, choose a time when neither you or your child are likely to be stressed or busy with other concerns. This means avoiding significant times of change, such as moving house or schools, or bringing home your newborn baby. The Christmas holidays might seem ideal, but don’t start until the festivities are over, you’ve had a chance to recover, and your house is calm.

Gathering the data

Take note of your child’s peeing and pooing behaviour over a few days and see what patterns emerge. For example, record how long after drinking they pee, what time of day they usually poo, how many times a day they poo, how long the average time between pees is, etc. You will use this information to devise a plan that will be your roadmap.

Practice

The key to a successful toilet plan is to work around your child’s specific needs and routines and getting their buy-in to this new adventure. Explaining how our bodies get rid of the food we don’t need through poo and wee might help. Make sure they know it’s a sign our bodies are healthy and working well. Congratulate them if they successfully get all of their pee (or most of it) or a poo into the toilet.

Other key factors to your toilet plan:

Consistent language including sign-language, that everyone in your toilet team will use for toileting activities helps a great deal. Try to use factual and accurate language if you feel comfortable.

**Break down the process into easy-to-manage steps. **As time goes by your child will be able to manage more and more of these steps by themselves, such as pulling down their trousers. It doesn’t matter if their mastery of each step does not happen in chronological order.

Decide how your child will be prompted to go to the toilet if they don’t ‘feel’ the need to go. Will it be a visual or verbal cue?

**Decide when your child should be prompted **to go to the toilet. For example, twenty minutes after meals, before leaving the house, going to bed, or after they’ve had some water or juice.

Decide how long they should sit on the toilet for, and_ what toilet specific activities _can happen - singing a favourite song, using an ipad or phone, reading a book, playing with their designated toilet toy.

**Put your child in easy to remove clothing. **Try to avoid zips, buttons or hooks. Track pants are ideal. One-piece outfits and overalls can be tricky.

**Gather any aids they need such as a child-friendly toilet seat, foot stool, or a specially installed bar. **Make sure they’re set-up and ready.

As with any journey, there is always potential to get stalled or waylaid. Try to stay positive.

If you are making steady progress through making your child’s toileting journey enjoyable and consistent, now is the time to fade out. As your child gets accustomed to their new toileting routine, tell them as they are in the final stages of toileting (pulling up their trousers or washing their hands) that you’ll see them when they’re finished in the kitchen or wherever. Gradually you can remove yourself from the process all together and let your child enjoy their new independence.

Top tips to remember:

• Your child may take longer to master the toileting process – so be patient and positive and don’t try to rush it.
• Never force your child to go to the toilet – physically or verbally.
• Even if you are feeling frustrated, don’t let your child know. Remember, they are doing their best.
• Focus on one stage at a time and be enthusiastic about the process - celebrate flushing a poo down the toilet, for example.
• Make sure your child has everything they need to feel comfortable and happy sitting on the toilet.

For more books on getting your child toilet-trained, contact the IHC Library** on 0800 442 442, or email: librarian@ihc.org.nz**. Join here.

Resources for kids

Bobby can use the toilet /

Bobby can use the toilet /

"This is a social story to help children learn to use the toilet....

"This is a social story to...

Liam goes poo in the toilet :

Liam goes poo in the toilet :

Liam learns to poop in the toilet after a little difficulty.

Liam learns to poop in the...

A wee secret

A wee secret

Jet Johnson has a secret ... find out how he bravely gets the help...

Jet Johnson has a secret...

A wee secret

A wee secret

Uses a story format to address the problem of bedwetting in...

Uses a story format to...

Poo Hoo

Poo Hoo

The story of Tim Thompson who is having problems with sore tummies...

The story of Tim Thompson...

Poo hoo /

Poo hoo /

Uses a story format to address the medical problem of fecal...

Uses a story format to...

How to poop everyday /

How to poop everyday /

A boy is encouraged to develop healthy habits by using the potty...

A boy is encouraged to...

Willie wants to wee-wee!

Willie wants to wee-wee!

When Willie woke up he knew what he wanted to do, and it was...

When Willie woke up he knew...

Meryl Richards

I’m Meryl Richards. What a pleasure it’s been to join the Awhi team. I get to spend my days researching information that supports me as a parent, and sometimes challenges me to rethink what I thought I knew. My hope is that it will be useful to you too. I live in Kapiti with my partner and two teenage boys, and spend as much time as possible in the surrounding bush and at the beach.