How can I help my child manage their periods?

How can I help my disabled and/or neurodivergent child manage their periods? It's a question we get a lot.

Puberty is an inevitability for children of all genders. If children are not expecting them, the onset of periods can be frightening, so advance warning is needed.

If your child is disabled and/or neurodivergent there are added factors to consider.

For example, if your child has difficulty learning new processes or routines, they may need your help to practice using menstrual products such as sanitary pads, tampons, menstrual cups, periods underwear and panty liners.

Use techniques that have helped your child acquire new skills previously – repetition, breaking tasks down into smaller steps, visual reminders, and the use of picture books, DVDs and social stories.

It is important also if your child is non-speaking that they have communication aides to let your or others know if they need pain relief or assistance.

If your child is neurodivergent, they may experience periods differently to neurotypical people. Potentially, they could experience their period as a ‘loss’.

Use concrete terms to explain to your child that a period is their body’s way of keeping itself healthy, as it cleans out its womb every month.

Neurodivergent children might have sensory issues or difficulties with interoception. This may have an effect on the menstrual products they use and how they use them. For example, hyposensitive children, who are indifferent to strong smells, may need to be taught the importance of changing their pads regularly. Conversely, those with a heightened sensitivity to smells, may need to be encouraged not to change their menstrual products too often, or they may prefer to use tampons over pads.

Reduced interoception may also mean children need reminders to replace menstrual products, as they can be unaware of the wet or heavy sensation of a period product that needs replacing.  

Other common concerns:

Children may be concerned that they will be considered ‘dirty’. Reassure them that periods are a sign their body is healthy and working as it should.
Also let them know not to worry if their friends start their periods before or after them.** Everyone is different, and that’s okay.**
Ensure children know how to use period products to stop blood getting on their underwear, clothes and bedding. But make sure they know that occasional accidents can happen and it’s nothing to worry about or be ashamed of.
Make sure children know how often they can expect their periods to occur and how long for. **Also tell them about how they might feel – both physically and emotionally – at different times of the month. **They may have spots, feel bloated or tearful for no apparent reason. Let them know this is all normal.
For any physical discomfort make sure they are able to ask for help and to receive anything that will help - painkillers, wheat bags, hot water bottles. Or if they’re at school, they can spend some quiet time in the sick bay.
Educate them about the social rules around periods – that is, there are times when it’s okay to talk about your period, and other times when it’s less acceptable. For example, they can usually talk about periods with their friends, but it’s best not to tell the school bus driver or the postman.

Finally, let your child know that lots of things can seem scary or overwhelming when they first happen, but after a while, they become no big deal – periods are no different.

For a lived perspective on what it is to be disabled and having to deal with periods click here.

Some books and resources on neurodivergency and menstruation do not take into consideration the high rate of gender non-conformity, gender indifference, and gender variance in neurodivergent children. This may mean the books available follow a gender binary that may not be suitable for your neurodivergent child.

For more Awhi Nga Matua articles on puberty, you might like to take a squizz at the following.
How can I support my teenage disabled/autistic child explore their sexuality?
·      How can I help my disabled/autistic child navigate the emotional storms of puberty?
·      My teenager wants to have a boyfriend/girlfriend, but I think they might get hurt - what can I do?
·      Help! My teenager is using pornography and I don’t know what to do
·      Help! How can I teach my disabled/autistic child that good hygiene is important?
·     Help! How can I teach my child what’s okay and what’s not, when it comes to masturbation? 
·      My child is going through puberty – what is appropriate for their intimate care plan?
·      How can I help my disabled child with their body image?

You might also find the resources below useful, which includes books from the IHC Library as well as helpful website and helpline numbers. Or contact the IHC library direct to have a chat about what you need on 0800 442 442 or email: Librarian@ihc.org.nz.
Kids’ Books from the IHC Library
·      Things Ellie Likes – A book about sexuality and masturbation for girls and young women with autism and related conditions - Kate E. Reynolds, illustrated by Jonathan Powell
·      _Things Tom Likes _– A book about sexuality and masturbation for boys and young men with autism and related conditions - Kate E. Reynolds, illustrated by Jonathan Powell
·      Growing Up Great! The Ultimate Puberty Book for Boys – Scott Todnem
·      The Growing Up Guide for Girls – What Girls on the Autism Spectrum Need to know! - Davida Hartman, illustrated by Margaret Anne Suggs
·      Secret Boys' business – second edition - Rose Stewart, Fay Angelo, Heather Anderson, illustrated by Jeff Taylor 
·      _More Secret Girls’ Business _- Rose Stewart, Fay Angelo, Heather Anderson, illustrated by Jeff Taylor
·      _Special Girls’ Business _– This book has been written for girls with special needs - Rose Stewart, Fay Angelo, Heather Anderson, illustrated by Julie Davey
·      Special Boys’ Business – This book has been written for boys with special needs - Rose Stewart, Fay Angelo, Heather Anderson, illustrated by Jeff Taylor
·      _Puberty and Special Girls – This book has been written for girls with special needs - _Rose Stewart, Fay Angelo, Heather Anderson, illustrated by Jeff Taylor
·      The Autism-Friendly Guide to Periods – Robyn Steward
·      Boyfriends + Girlfriends – A guide to dating for people with disabilities – Terri Couwenhoven 
·      Leroy Learns about the Big 'P'** **- John Hibbs
·      _The Boys’ Guide to Growing Up _– Choices and Changes during Puberty – Terri Couwenhoven
·      All about Growing Up – Family Planning NZ
·      _The Girls’ Guide to Growing Up _– Choices and Changes in the Tween Years – Terri Couwenhoven

Books for Adults from the IHC Library
·      When Young People with Intellectual Disabilities and Autism Hit Puberty – A Parents' Q&A Guide to Health, Sexuality and Relationships – Freddy Jackson Brown, Sarah Brown
·      _Safety and Consent for Kids and Teens with Autism or Special Needs _– A Parents’ Guide – Debra S. Jacobs
·      Sexuality – Your Sons and Daughters with Intellectual Disabilities – Karin Melberg Schwier, Dave Hingsburger
·      The Facts of Life and More – Sexuality and Intimacy for People with Intellectual Disabilities – Leslie Walker-Hirsch
·      _Masturbation, Autism and Learning Disabilities – A Guide for Parents and Professionals _– Mel Gadd
·      Sex and Relationships Education for Young People and Adults with Intellectual disabilities and Autism -Dr Kelly Asagba, Professor Jan Burns, Dr Sophie Doswell
·      Hygiene and Related Behaviours for Children and Adolescents with Autism Spectrum and related Disorders - Kelly Mahlere 
·      Relationship Building and Sexual Awareness for Kids with Autism – Susan Heighway, Susan Kidd Webster
·      Sexuality and Learning Disabilities – A Handbook - edited by Claire Bates
·      Sexuality and Intellectual disabilities – A guide for Professionals – Andrew Maxwell Triska
·      Let's Talk about Sex - Dr Sarah Ashworth, Dr Hannah Carton
·      Intellectual disability and the right to a sexual life – A Continuation of the Autonomy/Paternalism Debate - Simon Foley
** **
DVDs from the IHC Library (also available for online streaming)
·      Tara Grows Up – A guide to periods and puberty for young women with intellectual disabilities - IHC
·      Billy Grows Up – A guide to puberty for boys and young men with intellectual disabilities -IHC
** **
Helpful websites:
Autism Friendly Periods: www.autismfriendlyperiods.com/period-underwear
Modibodi Period Panties: www.modibodi.co.nz
AWWA Period Underwear: www.awwaperiodcare.com
Body Image Movement: www.bodyimagemovement.com
KidsHealth: www.kidshealth.org.nz/sexual-behaviour-children-young-people
Rainbow Youth: www.ry.org.nz
Healthify He Puna Waiora: www.healthify.nz/health-a-z/c/consent/
Nest Consulting: www.nestconsulting.nz/healthy-relationships/student-qa/
All is for All: www.allisforall.com
Anxiety NZ: www.anxiety.org.nz
Skylight: www.skylight.org.nz
Depression NZ: www.depression.org.nz

Helplines:
Anxiety New Zealand: 0800 269 4389 (0800 ANXIETY)
1737: Free call or text 1737 to talk to a trained counsellor
Depression.org.nz: 0800 111 757 or text 4202
Kidsline (for people up to 18 years): 0800 543 754
Whats Up (for 5 to 18-year-olds): 0800 942 8787
thelowdown.co.nz , Web chat, email chat or free text 5626
Youthline: 0800 376 633, free text 234, email talk@youthline.co.nz
Lifeline: 0800 543 354
Samaritans: 0800 726 666
Suicide Crisis helpline: 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO)

Resources for kids

Things Ellie likes :

Things Ellie likes :

"A simple picture book to teach girls and young women with autism...

"A simple picture book to...

Things Ellie likes :

Things Ellie likes :

"A simple picture book to teach girls and young women with autism...

"A simple picture book to...

Things Tom likes :

Things Tom likes :

"A simple picture book to teach boys and young men with autism or...

"A simple picture book to...

Things Tom likes :

Things Tom likes :

"A simple picture book to teach boys and young men with autism or...

"A simple picture book to...

Growing up great! :

Growing up great! :

"Growing Up Great is a body-positive guide to getting through...

"Growing Up Great is a...

The growing up guide for girls :

The growing up guide for girls :

"The Growing Up Guide for Girls is a one-stop guide for young girls...

"The Growing Up Guide for...

Secret boys' business /

Secret boys' business /

Secret boys' business assists boys to understand the changes that...

Secret boys' business...

More secret girls' business

More secret girls' business

This is a companion volume to "Secret Girls Business". In addition...

This is a companion volume...

Special girls' business

Special girls' business

Takes a girl and her carer step by step through the process of...

Takes a girl and her carer...

Special boys' business

Special boys' business

This book has been written for boys with special needs. It supports...

This book has been written...

Puberty and special girls

Puberty and special girls

"Provides practical information about growing up and will help...

"Provides practical...

The autism-friendly guide to periods /

The autism-friendly guide to periods /

Written by autistic author Robyn Steward, this is a detailed guide...

Written by autistic author...

The autism-friendly guide to periods /

The autism-friendly guide to periods /

Written by autistic author Robyn Steward, this is a detailed guide...

Written by autistic author...

Boyfriends & girlfriends :

Boyfriends & girlfriends :

"Boyfriends & Girlfriends is for parents and professionals caring...

"Boyfriends & Girlfriends...

Leroy learns about the big P :

Leroy learns about the big P :

"This unique young person's book has been developed by a very...

"This unique young person's...

The boys' guide to growing up :

The boys' guide to growing up :

"As a sexuality educator, I applaud Terri for tackling this crucial...

"As a sexuality educator, I...

All about growing up

All about growing up

"This workbook has been designed for young people living with mild...

"This workbook has been...

The girls' guide to growing up :

The girls' guide to growing up :

"Puberty is a challenging time for all young adults. Now girls with...

"Puberty is a challenging...

Meryl Richards

I’m Meryl Richards. What a pleasure it’s been to join the Awhi team. I get to spend my days researching information that supports me as a parent, and sometimes challenges me to rethink what I thought I knew. My hope is that it will be useful to you too. I live in Kapiti with my partner and two teenage boys, and spend as much time as possible in the surrounding bush and at the beach.