My child is starting school but they’re not toilet trained - what should I do?

School teachers are used to helping new entrants get to the toilet on time and dealing with the occasional toileting accident. But some children will need assistance well past their first few months at school. It is important that this issue is dealt with in a sensitive and comprehensive way.

Hopefully, this guide will give you some tips and advice on supporting your child if they’re starting school without being fully toilet trained.

What should schools be doing?

Schools have a duty of care to their pupils, and all children should be able to use school toilets comfortably and easily, including children with disabilities.

This means that school toilets should be well-maintained and easy to use. Cubicle locks need to be child-friendly and fully functional, as well as taps, flushes and cisterns. If toilets are dirty, unappealing and in bad order, children will be reluctant to use school toilets. Tour the toilets to make sure they’re clean and accessible.

Children should not be denied access to toilets during class time. This can cause all sorts of problems, including soiling and wetting accidents, withholding, which may lead to constipation; urinary tract infections; dehydration; lack of concentration; poor school performance, and anxiety. Check with your child’s school that your child can use the toilet at any time and make sure your child knows this is the case.

While not all schools will have a specific toileting policy, umbrella policies such as a health, safety and wellbeing policy will apply. Policies are likely to include reference to individual care plans and IEPs for some children, to be worked out in conjunction with parents and teaching staff.

The Ministry of Education’s School High Health Needs Fund allows schools to employ teacher aides for children needing extra assistance, for example, for toileting needs.

What should parents do?

Go online and check to see whether your child’s school has a specific toileting policy, as mentioned above. This will flag any issues you may need to raise with the school, prior to your child starting there.

Let the school know about specific toileting issues when you enrol your child. Or if your child develops a problem at school, let them know as soon as you can.

Arrange a meeting with your child’s teacher to discuss appropriate strategies to help your child achieve toileting success. Many children are embarrassed or worried about interrupting their teacher during class-time. One strategy is to have a pre-arranged system, such as a toilet signal, or a magnet that can be put on a whiteboard, that would let the teacher know what your child is doing without disrupting class time.

Find out if your child may be eligible for teacher aide assistance, from the Ministry of Education’s School High Health Needs Fund.

Don’t hesitate to discuss any red flag issues with your school, such as locked toilets during class time, or badly maintained toilets, or a reluctance to develop individualised toileting plans to meet specific children’s needs. New Zealand schools have a duty under the** Education and Training Act 2020** to be as inclusive as possible, which includes ensuring all children can access toilets appropriately.

Toilet Etiquette, Boundaries and Safety

When at school your child will often use the toilet at the same time as other children. It is important therefore, that as early as possible, children learn appropriate behaviour while using public facilities, including at school, in the park or in a shop.

Some children need to have consistent daily reminders about the difference between public and private activities. For example, if a child needs to do a poo, they should do so with the door shut in a toilet cubicle by themselves, or with a member of teaching staff to assist them. If a child is using the urinal, they should know basic rules around modesty, that is not looking or commenting on other children’s genitals, and only dropping your trousers as far as they need to go – not to the toilet floor.

All children of all genders, especially when using toilets shared by adults, should be reminded not to talk to strangers in the toilet. If anyone using the toilet _does _make them feel uncomfortable in any way, they should leave and find an adult they trust to tell them about it immediately.

Finally, remind children how important it is to stay safe and healthy, that they wash their hands well after every trip to the toilet.

Toileting can be a complex issue – for more information check out our article Toilet Training for Children with Special Needs and How to Help Your Neurodiverse Child Master the Toileting Challenge. You can also contact the IHC Library on 0800 442 442 or email:librarian@ihc.org.nz to learn more about any of the resources listed below.

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Meryl Richards

I’m Meryl Richards. What a pleasure it’s been to join the Awhi team. I get to spend my days researching information that supports me as a parent, and sometimes challenges me to rethink what I thought I knew. My hope is that it will be useful to you too. I live in Kapiti with my partner and two teenage boys, and spend as much time as possible in the surrounding bush and at the beach.