What is a meltdown?

A meltdown is very different from a temper tantrum, even though they might appear to be similar.

A child upset they have come up against a boundary set by a parent is not the same as neurodivergent children in sensory overload.

A tantrum is goal-oriented behaviour, for example, a child is communicating to their parent that they want their attention. A tantrum can be interrupted, and used as a learning opportunity.

A meltdown, on the other hand, is an uncontrolled reaction to overwhelming stress. The primary focus needs to be on keeping the child safe until the crisis is over. During a meltdown children have little awareness of their physical surroundings and will have difficulty understanding what is said to them.

Parents of children who have frequent meltdowns find it useful to identify what situations and triggers are most likely to cause them, and to put a plan in place to reduce those triggers.

Tips on what to do when your child is having a meltdown:

• Make sure that your child is in an environment that is safe and secure.
• Try to create a quiet, calm space - turn off loud music and turn down bright lights. Try to eliminate any environmental factors that may have triggered your child.
• Ask any onlookers to give you and your child space and privacy.
• Remain calm and speak to your child very specifically and literally. Any vague or non-specific questions, such as ‘Are you okay?’ will only increase their distress. Keep in mind it may take them a while to respond.
• Let them know that you appreciate they are doing their best to deal with their stress.
• Do not judge them or attempt to lecture them on how their behaviour may affect others.
• Give them time to recover. It can take a while to recover from information or sensory overload.

It is not always easy to identify what the triggers that lead to meltdowns are. One strategy is to start a diary, recording what happened before, during and after each meltdown. This should help you gain a clearer idea on what common factors lead up to your child’s meltdowns and the things you can do to prevent them happening.

Triggers will vary from one child to the next, but common problem areas are changes in routine, anxiety, sensory overload (loud noises, crowded spaces, flashing lights), and communication difficulties. Knowing your child’s triggers will mean you can develop a plan to reduce the frequency, duration, and intensity of their meltdowns.

The Rumble Stage

Many children will show warning signs that they are headed towards a meltdown, which is sometimes referred to as the rumble stage. They might show signs of anxiety, such as stimming, pacing, making repetitive statements or asking repetitive questions, walking in figures of eight or alternatively becoming very still (which can be known as a ‘shutdown’). At this point it may be possible to avert a full-blown meltdown with distractions or using calming strategies such as listening to music, removing any potential triggers or providing squeeze balls or fidget toys or soft toys.

Create a tool kit

You could put together a toolkit of items most likely to calm your child – these may be stimming or fidget tools or toys such as miniature figurines, a piece of fabric they like to touch, or bubble wrap for popping. They do not need to be physical items – it could be a special song or word game your child likes to play. The toolbox can be large as it is practicable to be, that can be left with your child’s teacher or carer.

Change your thinking....

As one expert in the field says, it can be useful to reframe the way we think about meltdowns, and accept that they are just a part of being autistic or neurodivergent for many people. “By rethinking it in positive terms it helps us feel like just a fallible human like everyone else”(Deborah Lipsky, 2011).

For more advice and tips check out the books available from the IHC Library listed below, or feel free to give us a call on** 0800 442 442,** or email l**ibrarian@ihc.org.nz **if you prefer.

Resources for kids

When my autism gets too big! :

When my autism gets too big! :

Written to help children, parents and teachers understand about the...

Written to help children,...

Train your angry dragon /

Train your angry dragon /

"Andrew explains the unique problems involved in having a dragon...

"Andrew explains the unique...

1-2-3 a calmer me :

1-2-3 a calmer me :

A young girl learns a technique for dealing with anger--and it works.

A young girl learns a...

Some days I flip my lid :

Some days I flip my lid :

"Teaching kids to be calm and cool with life's challenges becomes...

"Teaching kids to be calm...

When Miles got mad /

When Miles got mad /

Miles learns how to deal with his anger when little brother Max...

Miles learns how to deal...

Cool down and work through anger

Cool down and work through anger

"It's never too early for children to learn to recognize feelings...

"It's never too early for...

When Sophie gets angry :

When Sophie gets angry :

"This thoughtful story addresses one of the most difficult...

"This thoughtful story...

Stay cool and in control with the keep-calm guru :

Stay cool and in control with the...

"This illustrated book introduces wise ways for children to...

"This illustrated book...

The kids' guide to staying awesome and in control :

The kids' guide to staying awesome and in...

"Packed with simple ideas to regulate their emotions and senses,...

"Packed with simple ideas...

The kids' guide to staying awesome and in control :

The kids' guide to staying awesome and in...

"Packed with simple ideas to regulate their emotions and senses,...

"Packed with simple ideas...

What to do when your temper flares :

What to do when your temper flares :

"Guides children and their parents through the cognitive-behavioral...

"Guides children and their...

Tam Clemerson

I'm Tam Clemerson. I am a queer neurodivergent parent. I grew up in Wellington and did my dash in the public service before moving into union advocacy. I am currently studying Law at Vic Uni and spend my time juggling lectures and readings with swimming lessons and football games.